Etiquette and Manners: A Comprehensive Guide to Polished Behavior⚓︎

Summary⚓︎

The idea of basic etiquette is likely something that seems obvious, but it's scary how many of us don't have even a vague grasp of it. Thr truth is, etiquette speaks volumes about people and their character.

There are different rules to follow depending on where you are – business etiquette, social etiquette are the two biggest since they impact us the most, but there are others as well

Although life moves fast, it's important to slow down sometimes and remember that things being polite and taking pride in your appearance never go out of style.

The following is a primer of basic etiquette rules that will allow you to appear stylish and charming, no matter where you go.

What is Etiquette?⚓︎

Etiquette is made up of two parts...

There are manners; lots of them, in fact. "Please" and "thank you", holding doors, chewing with our mouths closed, dressing appropriately, shaking hands – these are all manners. They're important because they give us confidence, allow our focus to be on the substance of our interactions, and they tell us what to do and what to expect others to do in return.

But etiquette also expresses something more – consideration, respect, and honesty. These principles are the three qualities that stand behind all the manners we have. They're timeless and cross cultural boundaries, unlike manners, which can change over time and differ around the world.

For example, the handshake. It's a classic Western greeting, but has evolved significantly over time. The handshake is the manner – in Ancient Rome, people grasped forearms to greet one another; in Asia, many people bow when meeting. Those are all examples of manners. It's the idea, however, that we shake hands, grasp forearms, or bow to show respect and welcome another person that's both universal and timeless.

Those are the principles at work. Simply put, manners are often the how, and principles are the why.

Respect⚓︎

Respect can be a feeling, and it can be demonstrated in our actions and words. To us, respecting other people means recognizing and acknowledging their worth and value as human beings, regardless of their background, race, or creed. It's demonstrated in all our day-to-day relations—refraining from demeaning others for their ideas and opinions, refusing to laugh at racist or sexist jokes, putting prejudices aside, and staying open-minded. We show respect not just by what we refrain from doing but also by intentional acts, such as being on time, dressing appropriately, or giving our full attention to the person or people we're with.

Self-respect is just as important as respect for others. A person who respects herself isn't boastful or pushy but is secure in a way that inspires confidence in others. She values herself regardless of her physical attributes or individual talents, understanding that integrity and character are what really matter.

Consideration⚓︎

Consideration is about having empathy for another person, and the key to consideration is thoughtful behavior. Being thoughtful means thinking about what you can do for those around you and how your actions will affect them. Consideration leads us to help a friend or stranger in need, to bestow a token of appreciation, or to offer praise.

Honesty⚓︎

Honesty is both about about telling the truth and avoiding even white lies, and about acting sincerely and with integrity. We should add that we like benevolent rather than brutal honesty. It's the basis of tact: Using empathy to find the positive truth and telling or acting on it, without causing embarrassment or pain to someone else. Honesty is also about being authentic and genuine with others. No one likes insincere, "lip-service" politeness—it can be as bad as outright rudeness.

Teaching Etiquette⚓︎

The key to lifelong manners is to start young; generally as soon as a child starts talking.

Myka Meier, the founder of Beaumont Etiquette, believes the following...

You can begin teaching etiquette to children as soon as they begin speaking. Start by teaching them ‘please and thank you’ when they ask for something. When the child is old enough to sit at the dinner table (even in a high chair), you can start teaching dining etiquette.

As a starting point, a list of etiquette lessons every child should know is as follows...

Etiquette for Children

The true meaning of etiquette is always to show respect and kindness to everyone around you.
Use please, thank you, and excuse me every day.
How to hold your silverware correctly.
How to properly use a napkin to wipe your mouth. (No sleeves!)
How to chew with your mouth closed.
No elbows on the table … ever!
Never interrupt an adult when they are speaking to someone else.
Never comment on someone’s appearance unless it’s to say something nice.
How to give a compliment to someone else.
How to write a thank you letter.
You must always help someone in need, particularly if they are less able than you are.
How to introduce yourself and others properly.
Be aware of positive body language and how to show it.
Never to call an adult by their first name unless the adult instructs them to do so.
Always knock on a door before opening it.
How to answer a phone politely.
How to make eye contact when speaking to another person.
Don’t point or stare.
Always cover your mouth when sneezing or coughing.
How to invite someone to join a group if they are alone.

While social etiquette may seem like a ton of unnecessary rules to follow, it can actually be very beneficial for your life. Here’s why:

Social etiquette shows you how to behave in different social settings, so you don’t have to question your own behavior.
Social etiquette allows you to look like a kind and caring person – which is something everyone likes about others.
Social etiquette helps people to interact with each other in a way that prevents unnecessary social confrontation or drama.
Social etiquette makes it easier for you to build and maintain connections.
Learning social etiquette can teach you how to communicate effectively and nicely.
Social etiquette can help you to look more professional and make a good impression.

These are just a few of the social etiquette benefits. There are many more, but just these few can make a huge difference in your social life.

Old Fashioned Etiquette⚓︎

Although I'm labeling this as old fashioned, the following are rules that are timeless and are likely to not go away anytime soon.

Timeless

Be punctual: We may talk about being "fashionably late" for parties or other get-togethers, but in most other situations, being on time has never gone out of style.
RSVP early: RSVPing close to the deadline is not great, but neglecting to RSVP at all is downright rude—and it always has been.
Don't point: Even as forms of communication have evolved, pointing continues to signal disrespect.
Make eye contact: While some cultures may see too much eye contact as an unspoken threat or eye contact with the wrong person (e.g. someone far above your station or rank) as disrespectful, for the most part, it has long been a way to establish and maintain a level of trust during conversation and a sign of confidence on the part of the person maintaining eye contact. Fail to make strong eye contact, and, as was also true centuries ago, you're likely to be viewed as shifty, untrustworthy, or unsure of yourself.
Stand when being introduced: While it might be more common these days for someone to give a quick wave and introduce themselves while remaining seated, the person who makes the effort to stand is conveying both more respect for the person they are meeting and for themselves.
Express gratitude: Expressing gratitude helps strengthen relationships and brings the person saying thanks as many good feelings as the person receiving it.
Write thank you notes: A written note is a low-cost, high-impact tool that encourages these interpersonal interactions.
Say "excuse me": While the specific phrase "excuse me" has evolved over time ("I beg your pardon," "forgive me," etc.), it has served a timeless benefit of defusing a potentially volatile situation, conveying that bumping into someone or some other other small breach of social norms was done by mistake.
Offer your seat to others: This habit boils down to compassion, and compassion never gets out of style.
Don't call someone too late or too early in the day: Before 9:00 a.m. or after 9:00 p.m. Whether or not the person being called is up and about, getting a call at one of these times is likely to set off alarms for the recipient, leading them to wonder if something is wrong.
Dress to impress: It is still expected that one should show that they've put time and thought into their appearance—even if they're just wearing t-shirt and jeans.
Cover your mouth when you cough: Even before the coronavirus pandemic hit the U.S., it was long understood that coughing and sneezing could spread disease. This makes the use of a handkerchief or at least one's elbow essential social behavior. To neglect to do so—to cough or sneeze into the air or against a surface in public—is not only rude, it could be deadly.
Avoid spitting in public: Perhaps grosser than coughing or sneezing, spitting is a habit that has long been viewed as offensive for a number of reasons.
Avoid yawning in public: Yawning is inappropriate in public because of what it says about the person with whom you're having a conversation. Even if it comes as a result of the yawner being genuinely tired, it remains a sign of disinterest or disengagement with the current conversation, and it's hard for the person speaking to avoid feeling like they are boring the yawner.
Wait for the host before starting a meal: The host places the napkin first and the rest follow the lead
Don't season food without trying first: It is perceived to be a very rude behavior and this could be very insulting to the host. In other words, we express doubts of their cooking before even trying the food.
Stick to tasteful topics: Just like swearing, discussing unhappy or disagreeable topics can be fine in a number of situations, but generally are best avoided when among a mixed group of people or in a more formal setting.
Avoid private conversations in front of others: Private conversations make others feel excluded, so save those topics until you and the person it concerns are alone.
Eat with your mouth closed: Making bad, loud noises, which are created by the mouth being opened, can be potentially very unpleasant.

Common Etiquette⚓︎

Greeting⚓︎

You should shake a person’s hand fast without holding it for a long time or drawing it toward you. You should respect your fellow counterpart personal space. Patting someone on the shoulder is regarded to be tacky. While greeting a woman, a man can bow a little.

Communication⚓︎

Punctuality is important. You should arrive at meetings on time or before time. If you are by any chance going to be late, you should call your companion and apologize to him.

Compliment people quite frequently. Your companion will be pleased, and you can show off your ability of observation, your power to observe details, and your dedicated interest in your companion.

How to Sit Correctly⚓︎

Good posture along with leg position while sitting are important. If you sit in a low armchair, avoid putting one leg over the other one. Keep your knees quite close to one other and your legs parallel.

Clothes⚓︎

The right clothes can increase confidence and enable you to make a good impression on other people. It doesn’t imply that you should buy costly clothing. Take for instance, for a man, it’s very significant to always have completely clean shoes and a well-fitting jacket. Avoid buying clothes with bad shoulder lengths. All parts of a suit should be the same design and it should be properly fitted.

At the Table⚓︎

If you are welcomed to a table and there are few people that you don’t know, don’t talk with them before you are introduced to each other, it’s not considered polite.

Keep a look on your hands as well. Don’t place them on the table, it’s instead good to place them on your lap. Placing your phone on the table depicts that you’re not interested in the conversation.

At a Restaurant⚓︎

If before going to a restaurant you say to your fellow, “I invite you,” it implies that you should pay. The sentence “Let’s go to a restaurant together.” depicts that you only pay for yourself.

Additionally, there are various types of cutlery and you are not required to know all of them. Although, there are a few basic ones that you should learn.

Table Setting Etiquette

FormalInformal

Placement of cutlery after finishing a meal or a course is important as well.

You should know how to keep your plate in order to give a signal to the waiter and finish your meal properly.

Wrapping Up⚓︎

While they may seem like a lot, let’s just admit that the way people see us is important. Your career, love life, and even self-confidence are deeply impacted by the way you present yourself. Learning social etiquette is not just something you do for your “public face”… A lot of these social etiquette rules are also a way to respect yourself.